Running Nowhere
by Miss Peg
Summary: No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind." - A mistake made by Katie is the start of a new relationship and the start of discovering just who she is and who she wants to be. Cootie Cook/Katie and a hint of Naomily!
1. One

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas is a day away, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **I once started a Cootie fic, well it was a one-shot with the possibility of more. This is a more, a new fic about Cootie because I do find them a fascinating pair. Hope you enjoy and please review and tell me what you think!**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

It wasn't supposed to happen. Katie hated Freddie, despised him for what him and Effy did to her. With a bit of alcohol and legal highs in her system, the blur between right and wrong seemed to be gone and she was kissing him. Kissing Freddie. His fingers were wrapped around her waist, her tongue playing with his whilst she tried to unzip his trousers. It was seedy, in a quiet corner of the club, but neither of them seemed to care. It was over with quickly, the people around them not even noticing their dishevelled looks.

"I can't believe this happened," Katie whispered, leaning in to kiss Freddie again, feeling her stony heart melt at the thought of being in Freds arms once again. "I missed you."

Then he pulled away, removed her arms from around his neck and shook his head. There were no words to respond to what he said, to argue against what even Katie knew was true.

"I love Eff, this," Freddie paused. "She's been on that college trip for a week, I fucking miss her."

The overwhelming strength of tears pushed Katie to her limits, sent her body into convulsions as she walked away. She couldn't believe she'd been fooled by him again, fucked over by Freddie Mclair. She hated him, she hated that he'd hurt her twice, that she'd made the same mistake with him. But mostly she hated that she still cared about him, still felt like she might fucking love him even though he was a complete and utter wanker.

"Katie?" a voice called after her as she pushed through the crowd; she didn't turn back, didn't want to face anyone because it was just too hard.

A freezing breeze hit her shaking body, made her shiver from the cold. The November weather making it colder as the night went on. Katie felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, colliding with her lips until she could taste the salty tears on her tongue. There was nothing she could do to change what happened, nothing she could do to turn back the clock the hour that was needed; or even the year. She sobbed uncontrollably, waiting by the entrance where a number of people were gathered smoking cigarettes. No one seemed to notice, no one seemed to care that she was in tears, broken and confused and alone. It made her sob louder, harder as she realised that she didn't actually have anyone there to look out for her. Emily and Naomi had left hours ago, gone back to Naomi's, probably to do what lesbians do or something similar, she'd concluded. She wished she'd gone with them, wished she'd not stayed when Emily had said goodbye. Effy was in France on a college exchange, not that it would have mattered if she wasn't. They weren't friends, they were _never _friends.

"Whatever's happened, tell Uncle Cookie," that same voice that called after her spoke, a warm hand resting on her shoulder, making her jump.

Katie hated Cook, she always had. He was a letch, a slobbering idiot who slept with anything that moved. She'd once wondered if he drew the line at girls because he was that much of a man-whore. None of that seemed to matter anymore. He was there. He was the only one there. She tried to control her tears, but they wouldn't subside, wouldn't slow as her shakes just got worse.

"Or maybe you just need some Cookie love," he muttered, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

He was disgusting, he was horrible, he was everything she wished every man _wouldn't _be. But she couldn't resists the touch, couldn't push him away when all she craved was a comforting embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder, letting her tears slide down her chin until his shirt grew damp. She mumbled an apology, which he barely acknowledged. He wasn't so disgusting anymore, in fact he smelled a lot better than she'd always imagined, like vanilla or summer or something equally silly. He felt better too. She thought he'd probably have greasy hair or BO and as his hair tickled the side of her face, she wondered how it was so soft.

"It's alright Katie, just cry, just cry on Cookie's shoulder. I'll look after ya," he sighed, his arms tightening around her shoulders until she relaxed some and slowly the tears grew less and the shaking stopped and she wondered how she'd never seen what a good friend Cook could be.

*

The college accommodation was a lot nicer than Katie had anticipated. She ran her fingers along the chest of drawers by the door as she waited for Cook to return; it wasn't much, but she suspected Cook didn't need a lot. When he came back, they sat on his bed, their shoulders brushing against each other as they smoked a spliff.

"I gotta keep my stash in the bogs, under a loose tile, fucking losers search the rooms after someone dobbed me in," he mumbled, handing her the roll which she sucked on thankfully.

"Don't even like this stuff," Katie muttered, passing it back after a couple of puffs.

Cook frowned, holding it by his mouth as he whispered. "Why'd you take it then?"

Katie shrugged. "Wanna forget what I just did."

"What did you do?"

"Fucked Freddie."

"The mother fucker," Cook groaned, dropping the spliff onto a plate on the bedside table before sitting back down beside her.

"I'm fucking stupid," Katie cried, her tears coming back quicker than she thought they would, trying her best to push them down until Cook wrapped his arms around her again.

"You're not stupid, he's stupid, gonna lose two fantastic fucks in a row if he's not careful."

Katie laughed a little, wiping her tears and sniffling against Cook's shoulder. "What would you know?"

"I don't need to fuck a girl to know she's great at it," Cook assured her, stroking her hair from her cheeks.

She was vulnerable, she knew she was in a place where any comfort would have been enough. She'd always disliked what Cook did, that he would sleep with anyone and anything. She knew all of that and yet she still leaned in, still pressed her lips against Cook's, awaiting a reaction. It came quickly and before she could regret kissing him, they were lay on the bed, their hands wandering over places she didn't think she'd ever explore.

"Guess I'll know better soon," Cook muttered, making Katie smile as she ended his sentence with a kiss and her hands pulled his shirt from his back.

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	2. Two

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - courtesy of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks for all the reviews, didn't expect such a great reception for Cootie. I know this next chapter may appear to have a typical, over written/seen storyline in it, but I hope you'll give me a chance to make it my own! I'm not one for same-old-same-old.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

'Pregnant'

The tiny letters on the test sent a shock wave travelling through Katie's body. Her hands began to shake and no matter how hard she tried to stop her legs from doing the same, she couldn't. It was unexpected. She was careful, she'd always been careful. Yet maybe not careful enough. A loud bang on the bathroom door pulled her from her thoughts.

'Get out of the bathroom Katie, I don't want to be late for the last day before Christmas. I said I'd meet Naomi early.'

Katie stood up, shoving the test back into the box before wrapping it in a towel. She stared into the mirror, watched her eyes as they glazed over and a couple of stray tears slid from them. It was so surreal she could barely feel it happening. She couldn't be. She just _couldn't_. Another banging on the door pushed her into action.

'Just a minute,' she called back, flushing the toilet and splashing her face with cold water from the tap. She dried her face, before unlocking the door. Forcing a bitchy expression as she came face to face with her sister.

'Sure your girlfriend can wait five extra minutes before you two swap strap-ons.'

Emily frowned, looked more than confused at the way she was acting rather than frustrated. Their relationship had changed lately, was actually quite good for what it was in the past. It wasn't fair to make a stupid comment, but she was upset and didn't really want Emily to know.

'Everything alright?' Emily asked, her eyes narrowing as though she could see through Katie's exterior. She just nodded, couldn't find words that didn't risk tears from falling, before walking past her sister with the towel wrapped tightly in her arms.

The sanctuary of her bedroom was only such for ten minutes, long enough to stare at the test, to finally realise that it wasn't going to go away and then nearly get caught when Emily barged back into the room in a flurry.

'Emily?' Katie whispered, her voice breaking, her whole body still shaking.

'Oh shit, where are my shoes?' Emily moaned, leaving the room without having heard Katie's voice.

'Emily,' she tried again when her sister returned with green shoes in her hand.

'What? I have to go in five minutes,' she muttered, distracted as she got dressed.

Katie could feel her heart drop. She couldn't handle this, any of it. She _needed _Emily. She'd tried to deny it; thought she didn't want her to know. The more time passed the more she realised she _needed _her sister to be just that. She was scared to tell her, yet she knew there wasn't much option. Someone had to help her through this.

'Please, it doesn't matter if you're a bit late, Naomi will understand,'

Emily sat down, staring at her as though she could tell something big was going on. Katie's eyes started to water and she couldn't control her voice as she tried to speak.

'It's okay, what's wrong?'

The small test was still in Katie's hand, tucked carefully under the towel. She pulled it out, handed it over to Emily who stared down at it with confusion, her eyes widening with realisation.

'Oh.'

*

The college felt a lot smaller than it usually did, like the whole place was suffocating Katie, sucking all life out of her. She wished it really could, wished that the thing growing inside of her wasn't. The only thing her mum had ever really told her, that made her sit up and listen, was what happened when people got pregnant and didn't want the baby. The stories of abortions, of botched up procedures, had made her feel sick to the stomach. The only problem was, she hadn't been pregnant then.

'We should talk to the nurse,' Emily whispered as they walked through reception. Katie just shook her head, didn't really want to tell anyone else. 'Please Katie.'

'No one else is going to know, okay? Not even Naomi,' she snapped, staring Emily in the eye until her sister responded with a tiny 'okay'.

Before Emily could say anything more, Katie was thankful to Naomi for appearing in the doorway. For taking Emily away, whispering something about their early morning date. A final worried glance from Emily and a forced smile from Katie was the last contact they had before Katie walked off towards her locker.

It was harder than she thought it would be, to stand in a corridor full of people, to be constantly wary of the person she suspected had got her into the position she was in. Her heart skipped a beat when he pushed the door open and strode down the corridor, stopping at a locker not far from her own. Effy stood beside him, their hands clutched together like they were desperately in need to be as close as possible.

'Fucking bastard,' she mumbled under her breath, wondering how fair it would be to tell him, to ruin his life the way he ruined hers.

'Alright there princess?' another voice responded, making her turn.

Though she wasn't sure it was Freddie's at all. She'd almost forgotten about the incident that she'd tried her best to forget, except that it didn't seem to forget her.

'I thought I told you not to call me princess,' she groaned, slapping Cook on the arm.

Cook just grinned at her, 'I think you'd make a great princess, babe.'

'And don't call me babe,' she snapped, stealing another glance at Freddie who just happened to be in the middle of sucking the face off his girlfriend.

'Not still hung up over him, are ya babe?' Cook asked, following her eye line.

The last thing she wanted to do was make small talk with Cook, especially when said small talk involved Freddie. Katie took a deep breath, even counted to ten as she tried to stop the tears that were lingering on the edge. It came out of nowhere, the wave of sickness. She couldn't tell if it was her 'condition' or merely the shock. But it was strong enough that she had to run, abandoning her open locker to find the nearest bathroom.

*

'What's wrong babe?'

Cook stood against the wall when she exited the girl's room, actually made Katie roll her eyes at his presence. He wasn't the caring type, he was the sleep and never call type. That was what she'd always been led to believe.

'Fuck off,' she moaned, rubbing her delicate stomach.

'You look a bit pale, what you need is a good willy-waggle to get those cheeks red.'

The scene in front of her disappeared as she closed her eyes, wished that everything around her would disappear just as easily. There were still five minutes before lessons started, where she gathered she could at least attempt to forget the thing dancing in her head, trying to get her attention.

'I'm fine,' she assured him, her voice quieter than she expected it to be. 'I thought we promised never to discuss that again?'

Cook merely raised his eyebrows, 'We did, but if you ever want a repeat, then I'd be more than happy to oblige.'

The only thing Katie wanted was to take back what had happened, to reverse that whole night that had changed everything. She stared up into Cook's eyes, watched his dark blue orbs move about in their sexy glare until her insides began to move again.

'Just fuck off,' she called, turning around and going back to the toilets, unable to think of anything but seeing her breakfast for the second time.

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	3. Three

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks for the reviews guys and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you continue to enjoy it. I love Cootie more than I thought I did, really enjoying writing this.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

Trying to hide from Emily and Cook was almost the hardest thing Katie had ever had to do. The only thing to top it was taking the pregnancy test earlier in the day. She dazed her way through her lessons, listening carefully, distracting herself enough to not think about the thing growing inside herself. Yet not focusing enough to the point of remembering anything.

'Katie?' a voice called out to her as she walked between lessons.

It made her jump, made the words of the song that was running through her head stop and the thing she'd been distracting herself from hit her like a ton of bricks all over again. It didn't help that her sister's other half was stood in front of her.

'Naomi, hi,' she replied, standing awkwardly.

It wasn't that she didn't like Naomi, she'd come to realise that it wasn't her who was the problem, it was the situation. If Naomi hadn't been keeping Emily busy, giving her a life where Katie had no uses, then maybe she wouldn't be so bad. They had laughed together at Pandora's party that time after all, maybe she wasn't a complete hippy loser.

'Is Em alright?' the blonde asked, her bottom lip disappearing under her other one, something Katie had seen her do a few times. The question made her feel uncomfortable. She knew that Emily had kept her promise, had done everything she could not to tell Naomi about it even though she obviously told her everything. The only trouble was, Emily was never very good at hiding things. Most things anyway.

'She's fine,' Katie whispered, wondering how her voice had become so tiny.

Naomi's eye narrowed, her blue orbs which were similar to Cook's in colour were actually quite concerned. Katie shrugged her shoulders, as though that would help her cause. It didn't and probably never would stop the overwhelming urge to cry.

'Are you okay?' Naomi asked, not taking her eyes off Katie for a moment.

Katie nodded, couldn't even speak when she looked back into Naomi's eyes. She pushed her lips tightly together, rolling her eyes upwards in an attempt to push away the tears that were hovering on the surface. Naomi's arm came down to her shoulder, resting against her skin. Katie stared at it, frowning at the act of kindness coming from the girl she'd never shown anything back to.

'I knew this wasn't about Em,' Naomi muttered, sliding her arm through Katie's and pulling her into an empty classroom.

'I'm fine, just fuck off, you dyke,' Katie snapped, regretting it instantly. There was no reason to be horrible, it just seemed to come out.

'Christ, whatever. What's going on?'

No matter how hard Katie tried to keep it to herself, the girl staring at her with concerning eyes and a soft smile, that actually made her feel very comfortable, was making it very difficult to not share. Emily knew not to tell anyone, but that also meant she couldn't talk about it with the one girl she would feel she could. Katie bit her lip a little too hard, loosened the bite before staring back at Naomi.

'I, I'm, I made a mistake,'

'What kind a mistake?' Naomi asked, rubbing her arm as a number of tears fell.

'The fucking up my life kind,' Katie sighed. 'I can't say it.'

Telling Emily had been easy, she hadn't had to speak. All she did was hand over the test and everything was revealed. Now Naomi was wanting answers and she _couldn't _say it. She _wanted _to, she didn't know why, but she did. She just couldn't.

'It's okay,' Naomi smiled, looking at her as if to say it didn't matter because she didn't need to know.

'No, I _need _to,' she whispered.

Naomi's fingers pawed for her hand, clutching it tightly between both of hers. Katie frowned again, stared down at the hand sandwich. She'd never understood why people held other people's hands when they were upset. But the feel of someone else's touch made her feel at ease, comforted.

'Remember the last time we were alone in a classroom together?' Katie muttered, wondering where the thought came from.

Naomi began to chuckle, which made Katie laugh a little too. It wasn't funny really. They'd had a fight, she'd given Naomi a really hard time. It was hardly a comedy moment of the decade.

'I kicked your arse.'

Naomi raised an eyebrow, 'I think you'll find that _I _kicked _your _arse.'

'Sure, if that's what you want to believe.'

'You're the one who won't admit the truth,'

'Which truth?' Katie whispered, sniffling back her tears and wiping her eyes with her free hand.

'Whichever truth you can't admit,' Naomi muttered, rubbing the back of Katie's sandwiched hand.

'Just fuck off, yeah?' Katie sighed, staring down at her hands, which she quickly pulled away, wondering how her fingers were not shaking when they had been for so much of the day.

Slipping from nice Katie into bitch Katie seemed to be very easy, so much so that she regretted it. Naomi looked disappointed. For once they'd shared a conversation like adults, they'd acted more like friends than enemies and all Katie could do was ruin it.

'I don't need your fucking sympathy,' Katie snapped, staring Naomi down until the blonde nodded her head.

Naomi rolled her eyes, 'Jesus, guess I shouldn't have expected anything more than bitch from you.'

'I said fuck off,' Katie retaliated.

One of the only people who actually seemed to care about her and she couldn't even say thanks in return. Katie watched as Naomi left the room, felt her heart break as the door closed behind her. It was too much, the thought of something growing inside of her was too painful. She couldn't handle it. The thought of being alone was even harder, until she realised she wasn't alone and might never be alone again. Tears streamed down her face and she began to sob, thick sobs that controlled her body. The room began to fill with people. She rushed for the door until she was out in the corridor again, choking on tears.

*

'Want one?' Cook asked, making Katie jump.

She'd left the college, headed for the entrance because there was nowhere else to go where she would be alone, except the toilets. Katie figured the fresh air would help, had always remembered people on television or relatives talking about getting some fresh air, like it was a bloody miracle worker. The only trouble was the air was less than fresh and though almost everyone was in lessons, there was one person who certainly wasn't.

'I'm fucking pregnant, you bastard,' she screamed out, stepping forwards so that she could hit him hard across the chest.

Cook seemed shocked, taken aback by the news. He apologised profusely, stubbing out his cigarette before wrapping his arms around her. She wasn't sure why she'd told him, so quickly too. The deliberation over whether to tell Naomi was drawn out, yet Cook hadn't even asked and she'd told him everything in a few small words.

'How?' he muttered, stroking the back of her head.

There was a way that Katie's dad always comforted her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and stroking her back until her tears subsided and she were ready to talk. Katie pushed her face into Cook's chest, wondered how it felt so familiar when it wasn't even the same as when her dad did it. It was different, but it still felt like the safest place on Earth. She reached around his back, gripping tightly to his shirt until her fingers ached. Eventually the tears slowed and Cook's question still lingered.

'I'm always careful,' she cried, not pulling away, not wanting to remove herself from his arms.

Cook shrugged, 'Could it be mine?'

'Maybe.'

He pulled away, pushed her out of his arms until she was forced to let go. It felt cold and daunting out in the open, without the close contact. She didn't even fucking like Cook, she didn't understand why she was missing his body. She wondered if it was some weird effect of pregnancy.

'Could it be his?' Cook asked again, not even needing to say Freddie's name for her to know.

Katie nodded. 'You're the only two.'

A small smile curled onto Cook's face and he cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears until her face was dry. He leant down, lowering himself the few inches to her height and pushing his face close to her own. She could smell the cigarette on his breath, mixing with a sweeter smell that she'd remembered the morning she woke up in Cook's bed. It was nice, familiar. It reminded her of a happy morning, where something so horrible with Freddie had turned into something she never imagined would feel so right. Not that she'd ever admitted it to Cook, or herself really.

'Whatever you want to do babe, I'll be here, alright?'

There was a look in Cook's eyes, they weren't frightened or worried like Katie felt, they weren't even confused. He looked sure, he looked more confident than Katie had ever felt in her entire life. She let her lips curl at the edges as she nodded her head, allowing him to pull her back into a gentle embrace, sending her back into that safe space which she'd come to realise was the only place she wanted to be.

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	4. Four

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed and read the last chapter. I'm really enjoying writing this story, so I hope you're all enjoying reading it.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

Emily talked while Katie listened, a one-way conversation that Katie barely even heard. She'd spent the last week being told to make a decision, being told to go to the doctor or the college nurse, or even to tell mum and dad. She didn't want to do anything.

"This isn't going away," Emily reminded her, like she needed reminding.

"You don't think I think about this all the time?" Katie snapped, closing her wardrobe, pushing the door closed so fast that the dress she'd been analysing became creased and was sticking out from behind the wood.

"So what are you going to do?" Emily questioned, her eyes a lot calmer and more worried than her harsher tone suggested.

It was Katie's problem, Katie's mistake. As much as she wanted to fall into Emily's arms and let her take care of her, she was the only person who could make the very large, very life-changing decision.

"I haven't decided yet."

"You don't have long left. You don't even know how far gone you are," Emily muttered, looking concerned. "It could already be nearly too late."

"It's not too late, the last time I had sex was five weeks ago."

Emily's brown eyes stared back at Katie as she sat down on her bed. There was something about Emily's eyes that always made Katie feel inferior. It was almost like Emily could see what she wasn't saying, was reading her mind from the way she stared.

"That's another thing, why won't you tell me who got you in this mess?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Katie whispered, the memory of Freddie feeling her up in the club, a faint reminder of his breath lingering on her neck. "Just don't, yeah?"

Emily tilted her head to the side. "I didn't even think you were seeing someone."

"I'm not," Katie assured her. "I wasn't. It just, it happened."

*

Dinner time was always something Katie wished would never come. She could hide away in the morning, not emerge from her bedroom until the last minute in the hope her parents would be at work before she got breakfast. But dinner was always family time and Katie didn't think she could spend half an hour trying to keep herself in check in the hope of keeping her secret from them. The last few days she'd made excuses; made sure she was out of the house during dinner time, or claimed to have a headache, just to avoid her parents.

Excuses were not needed for once, because Emily had thought it wise to invite Naomi over for dinner. It was a stupid idea, which Katie would have told her sister, had she not been glad of the parental distraction.

"Emily tells us you're into politics," Rob asked, turning to Naomi with his stupid, protective grin.

"I am," Naomi smiled back. "I'm probably going to study it at university next year."

"University? It's good that you've got plans," Rob nodded, looking from Emily to Katie with expectation.

Emily rolled her eyes, "Not everyone wants to know what they want to do in life at seventeen."

"I'm not asking about life," Rob sighed. "Just the next three years. What about you Katiekins?"

The sound of her name made Katie look up. She hadn't even noticed herself tune out of the conversation, wondered what it was she was being asked about as several eyes fell upon her.

"Do you know what you're going to do with your future yet?" Jenna asked.

A lump grew in Katie's throat. Her stomach began to twist and turn causing her to feel nauseas. She wondered how the question had come about, before remembering someone mention university. "No"

It wasn't supposed to come out so tiny, yet she couldn't help it. She was sat at the dinner table, pregnant, being asked about her future. Part of her wanted to stand up and tell them all that it involved nappies and prams but she wasn't sure it did.

*

When it became possible to do so, Katie slipped off upstairs. She changed into her pyjamas, turning out the lamp when she was tucked up in bed, listening carefully to the heated discussion going on downstairs. She wondered why Emily had even brought Naomi over when it was never going to end well. Eventually the front door shut loudly and after a number of loud footsteps, the bedroom door opened.

"Why you in the dark?" Emily asked, turning the light on, noticing Katie in bed.

"Tired."

"Is this about that stupid discussion earlier?" Emily rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine," Katie whispered, pulling the bed covers up tightly around her chin.

Emily's lips curled up at the edges as she moaned about their parents treatment of Naomi and how impossible it was to have a relationship with them. Katie couldn't be bothered to participate, instead watched Emily change into her pyjamas before eventually sitting on the edge of Katie's bed.

"Are you okay?" she questioned, reaching a hand out to Katie's shoulder, pushing against the bed cover until Katie could feel her touch through the fabric.

Katie shrugged. "What's okay?"

"I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to miss out on all your options. I want to be an auntie one day, but not until you're ready."

A long, drawn out sigh escaped Katie's lips. She leant backwards against her pillow, staring up at the ceiling until a number of tears pricked her eyes.

"I don't know who it was," Katie whispered, closing her eyes to avoid whatever look Emily was returning.

Emily didn't say anything at first. "What do you mean?"

Katie didn't open her eyes, was afraid of Emily looking disappointed in her. "I was with two different people in the same night."

There was silence, an immense moment where Katie thought her heart was going to fall out of her chest. The fear of what Emily would say seemed to grow with every passing moment.

"Who?"

The response was not expected. Katie waited for a minute longer, waited for Emily to burst out with a righteous comment about respecting yourself and other people. She didn't. Katie opened her eyes slowly, found herself shaking when Emily's eyes were smiling back at her.

"Freddie," she whispered, knowing it wouldn't come as too much of a shock. "And someone you don't know."

Emily finding out that Freddie had cheated on Effy didn't matter nearly as much as Emily discovering she'd slept with Cook. It was amazing that Emily was taking the news well. Katie didn't think telling her about Cook would bring about the same reaction.

"Freddie? But he's with," Emily trailed off.

"Turns out he wanted a bit of fun when she was away, changed his mind pretty quickly afterwards though."

"Oh Katie," Emily sighed, staring at her with sympathy.

Katie shook her head. "It doesn't matter, it's never going to happen again."

"He led you on Katie, after everything he did to you last time. How can you act so blasé about this?"

A disapproving tone reached Emily's voice, making Katie jump. She'd relaxed a little too much, was so happy that Emily was being nice about it, she hadn't seen the frustrated response coming. A number of tears slid down Katie's cheeks, which she hastily wiped away. She didn't want to think about it anymore, was quite happy avoiding everything that was going on in her mind. She knew it was wrong, that time was running out, but she didn't see any other way.

"Please don't," she cried out. "I just want to forget about him."

Emily nodded, didn't speak again except to tell Katie to pull back her covers. Emily slid into the bed, wrapping her comforting arms around Katie until she could feel Emily's hair tickling her cheek. She rested her head on her shoulder, whispered a tiny thank you to Emily, before closing her eyes and attempting to get some sleep.

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	5. Five

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thank you for reading and reviewing. I think I'm about halfway through this story now, hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

Sitting in a busy bar was not something Katie wanted to do with her Friday night. It usually was. Things change. She could hardly believe how little energy and motivation she had since taking that dreaded test. It was as though something was draining the life out of her. That morning she'd been surprised to find her mother had taken some time off work to go Christmas shopping; had almost collided with her when leaving the bathroom.

_'Is everything alright love? It sounded like you were being sick.'_

_'I'm fine mum,' she replied, rushing past her, hoping the conversation would be over._

_'You don't look fine,' Jenna noted, following her to the bedroom. 'You look tired, are you ill?'_

_'It's just a bug, I'm fine,' Katie muttered._

_'I'll call work, tell them I need to take the whole day off; look after you.'_

_'I'm going to college,' Katie told her. 'I said I'm fine.'_

_Jenna didn't seem convinced. Katie just told her how it was, informed her she'd come straight home if she felt worse. It seemed to get her off her back, at least a little. The walk to college really helped, she'd taken it up because it was the only thing that seemed to settle her stomach in the mornings._

'What are you wearing tonight?' Emily asked from the wardrobe, her face pushed between several items as she rummaged about for an outfit.

'Dunno,' Katie sighed, in two minds about the night ahead.

Emily picked up on her mood, much to her dismay. 'We can stay home, if you really want.'

'I don't fucking want,' Katie snapped. 'I want to go out and have fun like we usually do.'

Emily emerged from the wardrobe, her eyes down turned. 'I just thought,'

Katie couldn't help cut her off. 'Don't just think. I'm not a fucking invalid.'

The younger twin stared Katie down, wouldn't take her eyes off her until Katie sat up with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. They watched each other for a moment, waiting for one of them to break the icy silence.

'Sorry.'

Katie shrugged. 'Just stop fucking doing it, yeah?'

'Okay,' Emily responded, pulling a top out of the wardrobe and throwing it onto her bed.

The sisters got ready in silence, didn't have anything to discuss or say, except to ask to use the mascara or borrow a pair of shoes. By the time they arrived at the bar they'd relaxed a bit. Katie was the first to enter the building, was more than ready to walk out again when she spotted Effy and Freddie sat with the group, their lips surgically attached.

'What are you doing?' Emily snapped, almost colliding with her as Katie turned around to leave.

Katie took a deep breath, actually had to stare up at the ceiling and count to ten to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. 'They're here.'

Emily didn't need an explanation. She didn't even need to look over as she pushed past Katie, walked through the bar with such confidence that made Katie question her own lack of. She followed, rushed to Emily's side, begged her not to do anything stupid.

'What the fuck are you doing here?' Emily called out to them, causing them to pull apart and glance around the group who were all staring at Emily.

'Ems, please,' Katie tried again, pushing a couple of tears from her cheeks.

'I said, what the fuck are doing here?' Emily asked again, staring at Freddie until he was forced to look back, confounded.

'Cook said everyone was invited,' Freddie mumbled, shrugging.

Effy frowned at Emily. 'What is wrong with you?'

'Your fucking boyfriend is a fucking coward, didn't tell you he fucked my sister while you were in France, did he?'

'What?'

Katie watched Effy's eyes narrow. It made her feel strong when she saw the pained look on Effy's face, a mild satisfaction that the girl who had stolen her boyfriend was now getting her just desserts. She felt glad that, for once, she wasn't the only one suffering. She partly wished that Emily hadn't said anything, but she was secretly glad that she had.

'It was a stupid mistake,' Freddie defended himself, looking at Effy with worry. 'She was all over me.'

'A mistake?' Emily laughed. 'You can count yourself lucky that I'm smaller than you Freddie, because unlike you, Katie will have to live with your fucking mistake for the rest of her life. That's if she isn't wise enough to get a fucking abortion.'

The worst thing about Emily telling the whole bar was not that Freddie knew the truth, it was that _everyone _knew the truth. Katie couldn't bare the thought of that sympathetic look people gave when someone was in trouble. She couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. It was suffocating. The room was actually quite cold, but Katie could barely breath until she turned around and left.

*

It was even colder outside. Katie found a small bench in the car park, away from the smokers, away from the hustle and bustle of regulars enjoying their night. The tears didn't stop. Katie wondered if they would ever stop. She'd never cried so much in her entire life.

'Stupid, fucking hormones,' she snapped, telling no one in particular.

'Talking to yerself's the first sign of madness, you know?'

Quickly wiping her eyes, Katie turned to find Cook stood beside her. She pressed her lips together, was thankful that it wasn't her sister or worse, Freddie. Cook sat down next to her, sat so close that she could feel his body heat. The more time she spent with him, the more she liked his sensitive side.

'Why is it so fucking hard?' Katie gasped.

'Don't 'av to be so difficult if yer don't want it to be, babe,' Cook muttered, wrapping his arms around her until she rested her head against him.

'I can't get rid of it,' she whispered. 'I don't even want it though.'

Cook nodded. 'Whatever you wanna do, babe.'

His response wasn't good enough. She was pissed off at his laidback approach. He was supposed to be there for her, to support whatever she decided in case the baby was his. She pushed him away, stood up and glared down at him with frustration.

'I don't want you to fucking say that. This isn't just me,' she cried out, brushing tears away. 'I want to know what _you _want.'

'I don't know what you expect me to say.'

'I want you to tell me to keep it, or to throw myself off a fucking building. Just tell me what you want.'

'What I want don't matter though babe,' Cook sighed. 'You're the one who has to do it.'

The tears seemed to grow in number, causing floods down her cheeks as she cried out into the darkness. Katie turned away from Cook, stared across at a row of cars in the hope that she could stem the emotions. She didn't want it to be so difficult.

'Why are you so calm about this?' she whispered. 'If it's yours then you're gonna be a fucking dad. I can't do this on my own.'

'You're not on your own,' Cook whispered, his voice closer than it was before, his breath hitting the side of Katie's cheek as he wrapped his arms around her. 'And I'm scared as fuck.'

'You don't seem scared,' Katie whispered, reaching for his hands, wrapping them around her front.

'I'm not that kind of guy, you know me Kay,' he sighed against her ear. 'I always thought if I got someone pregnant then I'd fuck off like me dad did to me, but I haven't so far and I think it's 'cause I know how it feels. No kid of mine's gonna feel like that.'

The feel of Cook's body pressed up against her back made Katie's body shake with nerves. It came out of the blue, a strong feeling of happiness that overwhelmed Katie more than her fears. She turned in his grasp, stared up into his eyes until they were staring at each other.

'I always thought fucking you would be a stupid mistake,' Katie whispered.

'Funny that, I always thought fucking you would be fucking amazing. I wasn't wrong.'

Katie laughed, shook her head until Cook's forehead touched hers. 'I thought I'd be sorry, but I'm not sorry it happened.'

'Is this your way of getting me back in the sack?' Cook laughed. 'Always thought you wouldn't be able to resist another willy-waggle with the Cookie Monster.'

Katie smiled. 'Don't be a wanker.'

'Don't worry your pretty little head,' Cook assured her. 'You're upset. I wouldn't do that to you.'

For the first time since Katie could feel herself losing Freddie, her heart began beating faster. She didn't fall for boys, not in the way Emily had fallen for Naomi. She was the kind of person who enjoyed relationships, but didn't get herself in too deep. Freddie had been different. She thought she'd never get over the pain of him cheating on her. Then again, she'd never expected he could get her pregnant either.

'You're well nicer than people give you credit for,' Katie whispered, leaning up and kissing Cook's cheek. 'Thanks.'

'Aww, you're gonna make me blush,' Cook laughed. 'Don't go saying it too loudly though, yeah babe? Got a reputation to maintain.'

**Please review...I'd really like to know what you think. It is my first proper Cootie fic after all.**


	6. Six

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks to anyone who is reading and reviewing, I really enjoy reading reviews - it's nice to know what you like and even what you don't like about my story. Here's another chapter, hope you enjoy it. R&R.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

Unlike the mornings before, Katie was feeling ten times worse. She spent most of the time in the bathroom sitting on the closed toilet lid, clutching her stomach. It hurt. It hurt when she threw up and it hurt when she'd finished. What made it worse was Emily and James banging on the bathroom door in their attempt to have a turn. Eventually Katie emerged long enough for her sister to lock the door quickly behind her. Katie went back to bed, curled up under the covers until she couldn't see anything but darkness.

'Don't be such a fucking coward,' Emily's voice filled the previous silence, making Katie jump.

'I'm sick,' she called out, feeling tears sting her eyes as she pushed back the covers.

Emily rested a hand on her hip, 'Who's fault is that?'

'Yours,' she moaned. 'Why did you tell everyone?'

'I told you last night Katie, that fucking idiot Freddie can't get away with using you again. I won't let him.'

'I'm not a child Emily,' Katie sighed, sitting up. 'I don't need you fighting my battles for me.'

'Fight your battles? What battles? You act like none of this is fucking happening, well it is, you need to make a decision and Freddie deserves a kick up the fucking backside.'

'I don't want Freddie's help,' Katie snapped, reaching into the drawers between their beds to retrieve some underwear.

'You coming to college then?' Emily asked, pulling a t-shirt over her head. 'I said I'd meet Naomi, see you later, yeah?'

Katie watched Emily walk out of the room, wished that the argument hadn't made her want to cry all over again. She wasn't mad at Emily, not really. She was just frustrated. The only thing she could think about was what was happening to her, she couldn't even say the word, didn't even like to think it. She used up too much of her energy battling with her thoughts, trying to stop them from existing. But no matter how hard she tried, it wasn't going to go away.

*

By lunchtime, Katie was feeling better. She'd spent the morning in the computer lab researching pregnancy when she'd been asked to do a project for history. She'd stared at the computer screen for so long that by lunch she was ready for something to eat. Usually she waited for the rest of the group to join before she got a sandwich, instead she grabbed her lunch and sat down at their usual table. After ravenously consuming the sandwich, she looked up to find Freddie sat opposite her, staring at her with troubled eyes.

'Come to offer me your support?' she muttered, sarcastically.

'It's really low what you did,' he replied. 'That you didn't tell me yourself, that instead I had to hear about it from your fucking sister, in front of Effy.'

Katie rolled her eyes. 'I love you too.'

'Don't be such a bitch Katie,' he snapped. 'Effy didn't need to fucking know.'

'I'm pregnant Freddie,' Katie sighed, finding the word suddenly very easy to say. 'You're going to be a fucking dad, you really thought she wasn't going to find out?'

It was laughable. Actually rather, fucking, hilarious that Freddie was angry at her. He was the one in the wrong. He'd cheated on his girlfriend, acted like she didn't matter for a five minute romp in the back of a nightclub. Yet he still thought it okay to be angry at _her_.

'How do I even know it's mine?' he asked, staring at her incredulously. 'I mean, you are a slut after all.'

Katie's hand moved across his face before she could even think about what she was doing. 'You fucking stupid bastard.'

'Afraid of the truth, are we Katie?' Freddie laughed. 'Thanks for fucking up my relationship.'

'I think you did that yourself.'

The sandwich packet was the nearest thing Katie had, she stood up and threw it in his face as she walked away. Her heart beat faster, began racing as the adrenaline kicked in. The food seemed to make her feel sick again. She walked out of the canteen, felt her body shake as she tried to push through the small crowd of people forging their way down the corridor. She didn't want to cry. Freddie wasn't going to make her cry. She'd managed to stay strong in front of him, yet the moment she was away, the tears seemed to push to the surface.

*

The entrance of the college was full of people, scattered around, smoking cigarettes. Katie stopped by the door, felt her stomach hurt again and her insides contract. She didn't want to be sick. She was tired of it; tired of being pregnant, tired of feeling like she was the soppiest person in the world. But the pain in her stomach was too much. She moved to the side of the group, let her knees bend as she sat down on the wall clutching her stomach. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.

'Fuck.'

The crowd of people seemed immune to her presence. Despite the fact that she felt about ready to collapse and suspected she looked that way too, nobody turned her way, nobody noticed that she was even there. Eventually the crowd slowly disappeared, people went off to get lunch or head home leaving Katie mostly alone. The pain in her stomach seemed to grow, a griping pain that she knew didn't feel right or normal. She looked around, hoping to find someone she could tell, someone who would actually care enough to look after her. A weight seemed to lift from her shoulders when she spotted Cook on the other side of the entrance in his usual spot; leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth.

'Cook,' she called out, her voice failing to work effectively, but thankfully worked enough to capture his attention.

'Ay, ay, Kay,' he grinned, walking over and standing in front of her.

'Cook,' she tried again, the tears increasing, fighting their way down her cheeks.

'You okay Katiekins? You looks pale.'

The shaking grew worse, it was like she had the flu or something. The pain didn't subside so she stood up, words escaping her as she doubled over in pain.

'Whoa,' Cook called out, catching her as she fell against his body. 'This ain't right, what's up babe?'

'I don't know,' she sobbed, her fingers digging tightly into the material of his shirt. 'It hurts, it hurts so much.'

'Don't you worry 'bout a thing babe, I'll sort you out.'

There was a haze in Katie's head that seemed to capture all of her attention. The pain was so strong that she couldn't think about much else. Cook's arms wrapped around her, lowering her back onto the wall, where she leant against her knees. She could hear his voice, he was talking to someone, telling them something that she couldn't quite make out. Eventually he tugged on her jacket, pulled her up into his arms as he guided her somewhere. She tucked herself up against him after he helped her into a car. She pushed her face against the soft cotton of his shirt and felt him wrap his arms around her. For the first time since finding out she was pregnant, she wasn't scared of being pregnant, she was scared of _not _being. It wasn't that she suddenly wanted the baby because she knew deep down she didn't, but it was part of her, maybe part of Cook. She'd never been his biggest fan. But he'd really been there for her through it all and she wondered that if the baby wasn't there, if he wouldn't be either.

**Please review, I'll give you some chocolate...**


	7. Seven

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks guys for reading and reviewing, I appreciate all comments. Here's another chapter, there's going to be 10 chapters in total. Enjoy, please R&R!**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

The numbness seemed to fill Katie's body, removing all hope of feeling anything, even the tears she'd cried on the way to the hospital. Cook's hand had stayed clamped to hers the whole time.

'It's alright babe,' Cook assured her, kissing her forehead, stroking back the hair from her face.

'Yeah,' she whispered, wondering how it was alright and why she'd even replied.

A nurse explained the situation, what would happen next, what to do if she felt worse, how to cope with losing a baby. Katie barely listened, she couldn't. Her ears seemed to stop functioning. Eventually she was discharged, told she could go home like nothing had even happened. She walked out of the hospital, her fingers growing clammy in Cook's hand.

'I'll take you home,' Cook informed her, phoning a taxi with his spare hand.

Katie bit her lip, an overwhelming urge to cry attempting to take hold of her. 'No.'

'My place?'

Katie nodded.

She couldn't go home. She couldn't face her family. They didn't even know she was pregnant, how could she explain to them why she felt so low? Cook's room was a mess, clothes and rubbish scattered the floor but Katie didn't care. He pulled her across the room, their fingers still tightly wrapped together like a small child clutching a teddy bear. He was her comfort. He lay down on his bed and she curled up beside him. He pulled their arms together around her waist, covering the space where the baby was supposed to be.

'I think I wanted it,' she whispered, her voice tearful and laced with pain. She hadn't realised it before, when she was scared. She'd just thought it was a mess, a problem that she wanted rid of. She was reminded of that saying 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone' and for the first time since being told she'd had a miscarriage, she cried.

'It's okay, it's okay, Cookie's here,' Cook cooed from behind her, his face resting against hers.

It was so easy to be wrapped up in grief, to think only of herself and the thing that she felt was missing. The damp droplets of tears hitting her face shocked her, made her turn in Cook's arms to face him. The trails of tears down his cheeks scared her, she'd never seen him look so broken. He was strong and confident, he wasn't sensitive. The more time Katie spent with Cook, the more he surprised her. Her eyes narrowed with tears that slid down to her mouth, mixing with the saliva creating a salty taste on her lips. She leant up, pressed her lips gently against Cook's and burrowed her face against his chest. They didn't know who's baby it was, but it didn't matter. It was obvious to Katie that Cook felt like it was his and even though it hurt to think of the baby she'd lost, she couldn't help feel the same.

*

A persistent ringing filled the room, breaking Katie's sleep and pulling her from her third nightmare in a row. It was a thankful disruption, until she saw 'home' flashing up on her mobile. Waking up suddenly, Katie pulled herself out of Cook's arms, laughing at how easily he seemed to sleep through the noise.

'Fucking hell,' she groaned, rubbing her cramping stomach, before pressing the answer button. 'Hello?'

'Where the fuck are you Katie?'

Emily's voice was angry, frustrated. Katie wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, let alone someone who was obviously angry with her. She took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to answer without telling Emily more than she was ready to.

'Mum and dad know you didn't come home last night, if you're not here soon they'll be sending out a search party.'

'I'll be back as soon as I can.'

Hanging up the phone, Katie realised that there were a number of other missed calls. She wondered how she'd slept through them. It didn't really matter, all that mattered was that she was stood in Cook's room halfway across town when she needed to be home. She looked around the room for her shoes, wondered when exactly she'd taken them off and found them by the bed. She watched Cook, still sleeping, turning over in his sleep. A small smile crept onto her lips. She made a note to call him later before slipping out of his room.

*

'What time do you call this?' Rob boomed, standing up from the table when Katie entered the room.

'I stayed at a friends,' she whispered, avoiding their eyes, hoping that their lecture would be quick so that she could escape to her room.

Jenna joined Rob as they stood in front of her, she could feel their protective eyes baring into her. She didn't think she could handle their assumptions, couldn't stop tears filling her eyes as she stared down at the floor.

'Why didn't you call?' Jenna asked, her worried voice making Katie feel guilty.

'I couldn't,' she mumbled, tears effecting her voice. 'I fell asleep.'

An apology and a promise to never do it again was enough for Katie to escape the lectures. She pushed her bedroom door shut, leant backwards against the door as the tears slid down her cheeks. Emily standing up across the room made her jump, shocking her out of her desire to be alone.

'Where were you?'

'Out.'

Emily looked less than convinced. 'Obviously. Where?'

Katie shook her head, brushed the tears from her cheeks before walking across the room to her bed. She lay down, facing the wall and closing her eyes in the hope of blocking out everything around her. A hand rested on her shoulder, making her turn around. Emily didn't say anything at first, just looked at her with sympathetic eyes.

'I'm okay,' Katie whispered.

'I think it's time you told mum and dad.'

'No,' Katie cried, feeling her emotions growing. She wanted to tell her mum, she wished that it would be that simple. All she wanted was a hug with her mum, for her to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

'This isn't going away Katie,' Emily sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Katie took a deep breath, forced the words from her lips. 'That's where you're wrong.'

'What?'

An overwhelming feeling of grief filled Katie's heart and mind. The cramp in her stomach made her feel sick, she rested her arms around her stomach, taking deep breaths until she willed herself to say what she'd been scared of vocalising.

'There's no baby, not anymore.'

**Please review...I have a picture countdown on my website as reward!**


	8. Eight

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thank you so much for the wonderful comments, I really appreciate every review I get. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy this next chapter...**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

'You got rid of it?'

Katie shifted about uncomfortably on the bed, avoiding Emily's eyes. A burning rage seemed to grow inside of her, pushing her emotions to their limit.

'It's not like that,' Katie cried out, pushing the tears from her eyes.

'Not like that?' Emily scoffed. 'What the fuck is it like Katie? You got a fucking abortion, didn't you?'

The accusation seemed to make everything worse. The thought of Freddie's rant the day before, the thought of the pain running through her stomach and the moment she was told the baby hadn't survived. She wanted to explain that to Emily, she wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault. But she couldn't speak, couldn't even open her mouth because the tears were just that bad.

'Look at you,' Emily laughed, shaking her head with disgust and anger.

Katie stared down at the floor, pulling her legs up onto the bed until she could wrap her arms tightly around herself. Her stomach still ached, the cramping barely subsiding. She was in pain, she was grieving and the rant from Emily was doing nothing to help.

'You're not even fucking denying it,' Emily rolled her eyes, disappearing out of the room before Katie could say anything more.

The words reached her mouth, lingered on her tongue. But it was too late. Emily had already left the room. Katie lay down against her bed, curling up so small that she wondered if it was how the baby had been lying inside of her. She hadn't even had an ultrasound. She reached for her phone, dialled the first number she could think of before sobbing into it.

'I just need to see you.'

'Sorry babe,' Cook called back. 'Busy tonight.'

The rejection made her sob louder, Cook was entitled to a life, she knew that. But he'd been there for her so much, supported her. She couldn't understand why he wasn't willing to do so again.

'Look babe,' Cook's voice seemed different, colder than it had the last time they'd spoken. A strong sense of foreboding hit.

'If this is about this morning, I'm sorry I had to leave early. Mum and dad wanted me home.'

'Nah, it's not about that. I just ain't one for more than a quick fuck, you know 'ow it is.'

'What?' Katie whispered, fresh tears catching in her throat as she realised what Cook was saying.

'You should know that about me by now, it were fun while it lasted, yeah?'

'Err, yeah,' Katie gasped, her breath faltering as she dropped her phone onto her bed.

She didn't even like Cook, hadn't even found him that attractive. They'd had sex because she was lonely. That was all. The pregnancy had nothing to do with what they'd done. But she _did _like Cook. He'd been there for her, he'd held her hand and kissed her forehead when the doctor told them the baby had died. He wasn't the guy she thought he was. Or she thought he wasn't, until the phone call. Someone called her name, shouted out to her from downstairs. She brushed the tears from her cheeks, stopping by the bathroom to make herself look presentable before joining her family.

*

Lunch. It was a meal they only ate together at the weekends. Katie sat with her eyes staring down at the sandwiches on her plate. She wasn't hungry. If anything, she felt sick. She could feel Emily's eyes staring her down, attempting to pull her from her solitude.

'What do you have planned for this afternoon girls?' Rob asked, grinning at his daughters.

Katie stayed silent, couldn't find the words to explain that she didn't have any plans. She didn't know what the next few minutes, or hours or days would hold and that scared her more than anything. She was suffering. Part of her wondered if she'd lost the baby because she hadn't wanted it enough, a sick sort of karma. The more she thought about her loss, the harder it was to keep her emotions in check.

'Katie?' Jenna gasped, turning to face her.

A number of short sobs slipped out of Katie's mouth, she hadn't noticed how obvious they were until Jenna had muttered her name. Hearing her mother's comforting voice, laced with concern, only made Katie sob louder.

'Darling, what's the matter?'

Hands reached around Katie's shoulders, arms wrapping around her body until she could feel her mother's breath on her cheek. She pushed her face against her chest, noted the difference to Cook but cherished the moment in which she could let go, regardless of whether Jenna knew the truth or not.

'This is fucking ridiculous,' Emily moaned under her breath, standing up across the table.

Rob turned to her with a stern expression. 'Don't swear and sit down and finish your lunch.'

'Katie darling, what's happened?' Jenna tried again, sliding her hands around Katie's cheeks until she was forced to look into her mother's eyes.

'I can't,' she cried, struggling to say the words, hating that they were true. Afraid that saying them would only make them more real.

Emily sighed heavily, 'Fucking tell them Katie.'

'Stop swearing. Tell us what?' Rob asked, looking between his daughters.

Katie glanced at Emily, begging her with her eyes not to say anything, not to tell them a thing. But Emily wasn't willing to forget what she thought she'd done. Katie closed her eyes as Emily informed them about her pregnancy, the shocked gasps from her parents making Katie feel even worse. Then the moment her mother pulled away and sat back down at the table, Katie reached out, tried to get back the comfort she so desperately needed as Emily muttered the final kiss of death.

'An abortion?'

Hearing the words out loud, muttered so carelessly to the people who didn't need to know pushed Katie out of her devastation. She stared into Emily's eyes, felt the words hanging bitterly on her tongue.

'I didn't have a fucking abortion, I had a miscarriage.'

The room grew silent, Katie glanced between her parents, trying to distinguish what they were feeling from the look in their eyes. It was difficult to tell, she suspected they probably needed to digest the information. Emily on the other hand looked heartbroken, her eyes open wider than Katie had seen them in a long time, her mouth agape as she finally realised the mistake she'd made.

*

Nobody said a thing. Katie returned her gaze to her uneaten sandwich, decided that she really couldn't stomach anything and pushed the plate to one side. She could feel the tension in the room, the eyes staring her down like Emily's had earlier in the meal.

'I'm going for a walk,' she muttered, standing up, rushing for the door because the thought of facing her family was just too much.

The cool breeze flying through the air made Katie feel better, it woke her up, sobered her from her grief. There was something about a walk to clear the mind, to give clarity on the things that weren't easily accepted. Her hands rested around her stomach, instinctively touching the area where the baby should have been, protecting it like there was still something there to protect. As she walked by the water she spotted a figure sat down, smoke hovering in the air around her. Katie hated Effy, hadn't quite been able to get over what she'd done; hitting her on the head with a rock for one, stealing Freddie. Katie walked over, stopping beside her.

'Oh, hi,' Effy seemed surprised, stubbed out her cigarette even though it looked barely lit.

'You don't have to,' Katie whispered, sitting down beside her, tucking her legs underneath her until she was sat comfortably.

'I heard it's not good, for babies.'

Katie shrugged, 'Doesn't matter anymore.'

Effy raised an eyebrow, looked at her in that way she looked at anyone. Katie looked away, didn't like the thought of Effy fucking Stonem staring into her soul.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered. 'I guess it's for the best.'

It was for the best, Katie realised, she was only seventeen. Being a mother was a future possibility, not something she really wanted right now. She looked up, let her eyes fall back onto Effy's striking blue ones. She'd known, somehow, she always knew. Effy knew everything before people even realised it themselves.

'I didn't start it, with Freddie,' Katie muttered, frowning at the touch of Effy's hand resting on top of hers.

'I know.'

A couple of tears fell from Katie's eyes, she pushed them away, took a number of deep breaths to calm herself down. Effy's fingers clenched around hers, comforting her in an Effy-like way.

'It might not have even been,' Katie sighed, unable to look into her eyes as she admitted the truth, was quite shocked when, yet again, Effy knew.

'Cook.'

Katie nodded her head, shifted her position to stop the numbing sensation settling in her foot. Effy sparked up another cigarette, smoking it for a moment before handing it to Katie. She accepted it, didn't really smoke very much, but took it anyway. It was a gesture and it was one she was thankful for.

**Please review... :-)**


	9. Nine

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks to everyone who read and review the last chapter, you know I appreciate all comments and hits. Now I'm going to go for a walk in the snow...yay! Enjoy and please review, it would make my day.**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

It was evening by the time Katie got home. The sun had set long ago, had disappeared behind buildings, watched from the waters edge. Katie and Effy had barely said anything to each other, they'd just sat side by side, enjoying each other's company in a weird sort of way. The silence, the comfortable offering of space to breath, to think, to feel was welcomed as the effects of the recent events settled in Katie's mind. It still hurt, physically and emotionally. She had still lost something that had been part of her and she doubted she'd ever forget it.

'You stupid, fucking perv,' Emily's voice filled the house, pushing a tiny smile onto Katie's lips.

'Emily, don't swear and stop hitting your brother.'

It sounded like a usual night at the Fitch house, the familiarity made Katie feel at ease, stopped her from worrying that everything wasn't going to be okay. She entered the kitchen, was surprised to see Naomi sat at the table beside Emily, their little brother leering at her.

'Katie, darling, I was just about to call you,' Jenna smiled, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, guiding her to a seat at the table.

Jenna's gentle words and actions removed any last hint of worries about her parents reaction, made her quite grateful for how much things had changed. They still didn't seem to like Naomi that much, but they'd accepted her enough to let her come to dinner, which gave Katie hope. She sat, silently watching her family's interactions with one another. The gentle warning from Rob towards Naomi, James' coming out with stupid comments about lesbians and strap-ons that led to reps on the naughty bar. Once the dinner plates were cleared and Emily and Naomi had disappeared, Katie found herself sat at the table alone with her mother.

'You know that I'll always love you, don't you?' Jenna smiled, pushing a stray piece of hair behind Katie's ear.

Katie bit her lip, 'Yeah.' Though she hadn't realised it, had actually expected the opposite.

'I wish I could have been here for you darling,' Jenna muttered, her hand resting on Katie's chin. 'A lot of people go through the same thing, losing a child like that.'

'But I'm seventeen,' Katie sighed, like age mattered, her brow furrowing, wondering why there was an absence of a lecture.

'Maybe it'd be different if you were still, but you're not. You've lost something that can be really difficult to handle. I've been there myself darling, after you and Emily were born. It's never easy.'

The openness, the sharing of something Katie hadn't even known had broken down a barrier she'd always had with her mother. A perception that Jenna would not forgive her for something major, like pregnancy or committing a crime. She'd never expected her frosty mother to be so sincere, to share honestly her own pain.

'I didn't know how hard it would be,' she whispered, tears catching in her throat. 'I thought I didn't want it to be happening, but then it wasn't and it was even harder.'

Jenna stroked the tears from her eyes, pulling her into her arms until Katie could push her face back against her mother's chest. She still noted the difference with Cook, hoped that maybe he'd come around and she could feel his arms around her again. But for the time being she was happy to be with her mother, happy to have comfort from someone who didn't just love her unconditionally, but understood what she'd been through. She clung to her, sobbing until she could sob no more.

*

Naomi was still there when Katie made it back up to her bedroom, she grimaced at the sight of her locking lips with Emily, their bodies wrapped up together on her bed. Closing the door noisily, she moved across the room until she could sit down on her own, facing them.

'Sorry,' Naomi smiled, a brief apologetic smile creeping up on her lips as they pulled apart.

'It's okay.'

'Also about,' Naomi nodded towards her, 'I guess these things have a way of working out.'

'Working out?' Katie scoffed, stopping herself, knowing that Naomi was just trying to be nice, like Effy had earlier.

'I should probably go,' Naomi whispered, kissing Emily quickly on the lips before walking towards the door.

Katie watched Emily follow her, continued to stare at the door until Emily returned again, her eyes down turned and sorrow fixed in them.

'I'm sorry,' Emily whispered, her voice breaking up as she spoke.

What had happened should have made her feel angry, should have made her want to shout and scream at Emily for telling their parents what had happened. But she wasn't, she couldn't be. Katie rearranged herself on the bed, reaching a hand out which Emily took before curling up next to her.

'I didn't realise, I guess I just jumped to conclusions and I shouldn't have.'

Katie took a deep breath, 'It's okay.'

'No, it's not,' Emily muttered. 'I was horrible and you, you've been going through all of this and I wasn't even fucking there for you.'

A smile was all that was needed, Katie realised. She grinned at her sister, a small smile that seemed to put Emily at ease. She wrapped her arms around her, told her how thankful she was to have her there. They stayed like that for a minute, comforted by a moment between them, when Emily's phone pulled them apart.

'JJ, just calm down,' Emily muttered into the handset a few moments later. 'No, I'm at home, what's going on? JJ, JJ, you're getting locked on, for fuck sake J. Okay, okay, I'll be there soon.'

Katie frowned at Emily, waiting for a response, but her sister just scanned the room as though searching for something.

'Ems, what's going on?'

'I don't know,' she muttered. 'JJ wasn't making much sense. Something to do with Freddie and Cook having a fight down by the river, I have to go and see him. He's freaked out.'

There was no hesitation. Katie stood up quickly, so quick that the cramp in her stomach forced her back down. She reached for her keys sitting on the chest of drawers between their beds, slipping them into her pocket as she stood up again, slower this time.

'What are you doing?' Emily asked, frowning at her.

'I'm coming with you.'

'You don't even like JJ,' Emily sighed. 'He doesn't need you being how you are with him.'

Katie rolled her eyes. 'I'm not fucking going for JJ, I'm going for Cook.'

'But you hate Cook.'

Emily stopped what she was doing, her eyes narrowing with confusion. She stared into her eyes, Katie's brown eyes staring back. She'd almost forgotten that some things weren't public knowledge. Nerves hit her, almost stopped her from saying what she needed to say as she walked towards the door.

'I don't,' she mumbled. 'I love him, I have to go.'

Footsteps followed Katie's down the stairs and she knew that Emily was following her, there were no words spoken even though Katie knew Emily would have questions. Once they were outside, walking as fast as they could towards the bus stop, Emily finally spoke.

'Cook? You love Cook? He's repulsive, you said so yourself.'

Katie sighed, rubbing her stomach as they came to a stop under the bus shelter. 'Things change, people change.'

'Do people really change _that _much?' Emily asked sceptically.

The question reminded Katie of what Cook had said on the phone earlier that day. She thought he'd changed, thought he was a different person deep down than the one who slept with anyone and acted like the world wasn't that important. She doubted her feelings, doubted that Cook was the guy she had seen over the last couple of weeks. She suspected the side of him she'd seen wasn't shown very often, wondered if it was short lived or if maybe he was still there, hiding behind the cool exterior that everyone knew as Cook.

'I guess I'm going to find that out,' Katie whispered.

**Please review... :-)**


	10. Ten

Disclaimer: **I don't own Skins...but Christmas has just gone, think they'll let me have it? Nor do I own the summary - curtosey of Delta Goodrem (Running Away).**

Author Note: **Thanks for all the reviews and for reading. This is the final chapter, it's been fun to write and I hope you enjoy the ending. Please review, you'll make a writer very happy. :-)**

Summary:** "No longer know the girl inside, the stranger in my mind."**

Title: **Running Nowhere**

When they arrived at the bar by the river Katie couldn't see Cook anywhere. The only person visible was JJ, stood against a wall with his hands wrapped around the sides of his head. Katie sighed, wished that Cook was there too as Emily dragged her towards JJ.

'It's okay J, we're here now,' Emily called out, slowly placing a hand on his shoulder until he looked up, smiling into her eyes.

'Cook and Freddie and Cook and Freddie,' he stuttered, trying to get his words out.

'Where's Cook?' Katie asked, impatiently. She couldn't be doing with him getting locked on again, she just needed to know where Cook was.

'They, they, Cook told Freddie, he told Freddie the baby might not have been his, that it could have been Cook's and then Freddie hit him and, and,' JJ drifted off.

'What?' Emily gasped, turning around to Katie.

Katie looked at her apprehensively. She couldn't speak, couldn't confirm the truth for fear of what Emily would say. But she didn't need to speak, her expression had already given her away and if anyone could read her, it was Emily.

'Where are they now?' Katie snapped, staring around the darkened pathway. 'For fuck's sake JJ, just tell us where Cook is.'

'Over there,' JJ's hand reached out, pointing towards the waters edge where Katie noticed a silhouette of Cook come into view. She hadn't seen him before, it had been too dark. But now she knew he was there, it was difficult not to notice him.

'Cook?' Katie called out, walking towards him, her pace speeding up as she reached his side.

A sniffling sound was all Katie could hear, followed by silence. She stayed back for a moment, watching him sat on the railing, a cigarette in his hand.

'Babe?' she whispered, reaching forwards, resting a hand on his shoulder.

'Fuck off.'

Katie let out a breath, tried to stop the tears that threatened to surface. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to let Cook's idiotic self win.

'Cook, please don't be like this, don't be a total fuckwit.'

'That's all I am though, ain't it?' Cook muttered, flicking his cigarette into the water before turning to face her. 'That's all I ever am.'

'No, that's not true,' Katie tried, wanted to reach out and touch his arm again, but feared a further rejection.

'I fuck up, it's what I do. I fucked this up, d'ain't I? I didn't even wanna be a fucking dad.'

'No you're not, you're not a fuck up,' Katie assured him, stepping forwards again as her hand reached out to his back. 'Don't talk like that, you're well better than that.'

'I ain't worth nothing babe, so what does it matter?'

He rose to his feet, standing on a rung of the railings, wobbling as he stared out across the river. Katie felt her heart skip a beat. She was scared, she didn't know why, he was just standing there. It wasn't anything to be scared about.

'What are you going to do?'

'Thinking about going for a swim,' he sighed, holding his arms out to steady himself as he continued to look forwards, staring out at the dark water.

'Are you fucking serious? Cook, it's December, you'll freeze to death.'

'Like anyone gives a shit. I ain't got no family, I ain't got nobody.'

Katie couldn't stop the tears anymore, tried to brush them away as she stared at Cook's back.

'It doesn't need to be like this,' she cried out. 'You don't need to feel like this; you've got JJ and me. Please.'

'I ain't got nobody babe, nobody gives a fucking shit 'bout me. Nobody loves Cook, not like they should.'

Katie couldn't speak, words caught in her throat, mixed in with tears that couldn't seem to work their way from her throat. She gasped for breath, her whole body shaking as Cook jumped into the murky water below. She screamed out, choking on tears. It was only water, she told herself, tried to tell herself that water wouldn't kill him, that he'd be okay.

'Fucking hell,' Emily shouted, coming up beside Katie, JJ behind her.

'Oh my giddy aunt, what are we going to do? I can't swim, not good enough, not enough to get him. What are we going to do? Oh my giddy aunt. Oh my giddy, giddy aunt.'

Pressing her hands against her face, Katie tried to calm down. But she couldn't. She just stared at the water, watching Cook splashing about like he was having fun. Her legs were shaking, her knees threatening to stop working. She sobbed turning to Emily, begging her to do something.

'For fuck's sake,' Emily cried out, pulling off her shoes before jumping into the water after him.

The only thing Katie had wanted was for someone to save him, for someone to pull him out of the water. But as Emily jumped in her heart began to race, her fears of what could happen to Emily now that she was in the water too. She cried out, turning to JJ, shouting at him to call an ambulance or something. He nodded, walking away as he fumbled for the phone in his pocket.

'Emily!' Katie cried out, the splashing eventually stopping, the water turning suddenly silent.

A pair of hands appeared on the edge of the wall, clinging to the stone. Katie jumped forwards, a huge smile reaching her lips as she caught sight of Emily's drenched upper body.

'Help me get him out,' Emily called out, forcing a complaining Cook onto the side. He eventually gave in, allowed Katie to drag him onto the walkway as Emily pulled herself out.

Cook started to cough, spluttering as he admitted defeat, laying back against the cold, stone floor. Katie watched as he took a number of deep breaths. Emily appears beside her, a small smile creeping onto her face.

'Think you need to tell him something, don't you?'

'Are you okay?' Katie asked, Emily nodded. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you.'

Emily shrugged, 'Guess I've never been his biggest fan.'

Katie nodded, felt Emily's hand gently squeeze her own. She pulled away, kneeling down on the floor beside Cook until she could wrap her arms around him.

'You fucking idiot,' she cried out.

Cook seemed to resist again, still wasn't willing to give up his fight as he sat up. 'What the fuck did you do that for?'

'Don't be such a dim twat,' Katie sighed. 'You're a fucking idiot, you could have killed yourself.'

'Shoulda let me drown.'

'No.'

'What the fuck do you care anyway?' Cook snapped, trying to get up, but Katie didn't let go.

'I care about you Cook, what you did for me when I was pregnant. You're well not as bad as people make you out to be. I want to be with you. We'd be good together.'

She didn't expect Cook to feel the same way, she knew he wasn't like that. He was an idiot when it came to women, but that didn't stop her wanting to try. She'd never seen him look as broken as she had that night, which only made her feelings more clear.

'Are you fucking mental? Why'd anyone wanna care 'bout a loser like me?'

'You're not a loser Cook, stop being such a sap, it doesn't suit you. You're Cook, you're a cock, but I love you.'

Katie felt his arms wrap around her, allowing her to push her face against his wet t-shirt. She settled into his arms, sitting perfectly between them, not caring that her clothes were growing damp. She'd been with many guys, had them hold her and kiss her, but she'd never really fitted before. She rested a hand on his cheek, stroking the water from his face as she leant in and kissed him square on the lips.

'Guess we could give it a try,' Cook grinned, pulling her closer as they kissed again.

**THE END!**

**Please review... :-) Thanks again for reading.**


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